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One of the things I tell students during their first draft of their college essay is to ignore the word count. If you try to get your personal statement or supplemental essay under the limit from the get-go, you are preventing your brain from thinking of everything that could matter in the essay. If you remove that barrier in the beginning, you free up the space to creatively think about what you want to include in your essay.
However, eventually, you need to start cutting words, which can be challenging. In my process, I have my students read their essays aloud and point out words, phrases, and even entire sentences that sound off. I help them determine what exactly they want to say and discuss how to do so effectively. Then we look for unnecessary words and phrases. Here are 16 of the most common overused words and phrases in college essays, and what you could say instead:
1. Were able to" or "am able to": These phrases are often redundant. If you are stating an action, it implies ability, so use the verb's simple past or present tense instead.
Original: "I was able to run a marathon,"
Revised: "I ran a marathon."
2. "At the end of the day": This phrase is overused and vague. Consider drawing a more specific conclusion or saying "Ultimately," "Finally," or "In the end," getting back between 3-5 words back
Original: "At the end of the day, I realized that my passion lies in helping others."
Revised: "Ultimately, I discovered that my passion lies in helping others."
3. "Throughout my high school career": Admissions counselors know you are writing about your experiences in high school. If you need to establish a timeline, consider saying, "In high school."
Original: "Throughout my high school career, I participated in various extracurricular activities."
Revised: "In high school, I participated in various extracurricular activities."
4. "I am a person who is" or "I am someone who is": These phrases are redundant. "I am" is enough and saves you valuable words.
Original: "I am a person who is funny."
Revised: "I am funny."
5. "As well as": This can often be replaced with the word "and," and save you two words.
Original: "I like science as well as math."
Revised: "I like science and math."
6. "Due to the fact that": This phrase is more formal and wordy than the word "because." This swap would save you four words.
Original: "Due to the fact that the store was closed, I couldn't buy groceries."
Revised: "Because the store was closed, I couldn't buy groceries."
7. "In order to": This phrase is often unnecessary and can easily be replaced with "to." Easily gives you back two words
Original: "In order to achieve my goals, I need to work hard."
Revised: "To achieve my goals, I need to work hard."
8. "Took it upon myself": This phrase is overly formal and could be shortened down to "Decided," "Chose," or "Wanted," saving you 3 words
Original: "I took it upon myself to organize a fundraiser for the school library."
Revised: "I decided to organize a fundraiser for the school library."
9. "Would not be able to": This phrase is often redundant. Consider using the negative form of the verb instead.
Original: "I would not be able to go to the meeting without doing my homework."
Revised: "I couldn't attend the meeting until I did my homework."
10. "As a person": Because this essay should be about you, and the admissions counselors know you are a person. I recommend removing the phrase entirely or using "I" or "Personally."
Original: "As a person, I have many goals."
Revised: "I have many goals."
11. "A lot of" or "A multitude of" or "A great deal of": These phrases are often vague and overused. You could save 2 words by using "Many," "Various," or "Numerous," or make it more specific by giving exact quantities
Original: "A lot of students volunteered at the local animal shelter."
Revised: "Many students volunteered at the local animal shelter."
12."Whether it be": This phrase is overly formal. Consider saving 2 words by changing it to "If," "Either," or "Whether," or flip the sentence entirely like the example below:
Original: "Whether it be volunteering or joining clubs, I've always been involved in extracurricular activities."
Revised: "I've always been involved in extracurricular activities, from volunteering to joining clubs."
13. "In spite of the fact that": This is a more formal and wordy phrasing for the word "despite." Use those 5 words for something more impactful.
Original: "In spite of the fact that it was raining, we still went for a walk."
Revised: "Despite the rain, we still went for a walk."
14. "Never really felt like": This is a vague phrase and should be replaced with something more specific for impact. Options include "Hesitated to" or "Didn't enjoy." Then you have more space to elaborate on why you felt that way.
Original: "I never really felt like I belonged in the math club."
Revised: "I hesitated to join the math club."
15. "In the event that": this is just a fancy way of saying "if"
Original: "In the event that it rains, the picnic will be canceled."
Revised: "If it rains, the picnic will be canceled."
16. "_____ that is": This phrase is often unnecessary and can often be removed without affecting the meaning of your sentence.
Original: "The book that is on the table is mine."
Revised: "The book on the table is mine."
Remember, the key to concise writing is clarity. By eliminating these phrases, you can create more impactful and engaging writing. While 2 or 3 words don't seem like a lot, removing them from multiple places in your essay can add up. These are often the words and phrases we start with during our editing sessions, and my students are so surprised to see how they quickly gain 50-100 words without losing any of their content. By walking them through the edits (instead of just leaving them as suggestions), they learn how to do it themselves in the future, and they share that subsequent essays are easier (and faster) to write. Want more essay tips? Check out our post Final Edits: Making Your Essays GRAND.
Grand Fit Educational Consulting is here for you! Seniors, still working on your essays? Juniors, want a jump start on your college process? Let me know how we can help!